Rest

I feel like I want to hang a huge banner that says "Mission Accomplished", check the block, cross my last task for honoring Pat off my list, close the book...Wednesday was a beautiful day. I continue to be amazed at the people from every single aspect of Pat's life, my life, and our life together who came to honor such a wonderful man, a great husband and beloved dad.

The wait since May has been quite a trial, like treading water even though the shore is in sight but not able to swim to land. Pat did not want sadness or drama or sorrow. He asked me to give him a send off full of fun, family and friends. I feel so blessed that we did exactly as he wanted. In an odd way, it WAS fun, and amazing, and poignant, and moving and patriotic and such a tribute to a wonderful life and a great guy. A few people mentioned in passing that I hid my sadness well, that I was strong, that I was able to keep it together. To be totally honest, I was so full of pride and love that grief had no place there, my heart was too full to give it any space on Wednesday.

I will be forever sad that the rest of my life will not have Pat in it but I am forever thankful for the opportunity to make a life with him to begin with. He was my best friend and I am fortunate to have known such love and companionship and beyond blessed with our five remarkable children. My heart aches to know that there will be so much he will miss, so much that could have been...but at the same time I know he wanted us all to be happy, to move forward, to keep his memory alive but to also keep living as well.

I do not know what the future holds and for right now, that is just fine. I cannot look too far into the future. I have a few things on my calendar in pencil. Tuesday September 21st would have been our 20th wedding anniversary, it's still on my calendar!
I am just planning on taking care of me and learning who I am as a grown up by myself. I am going back to school and I have a list of things Pat wanted to do in his life that I am putting on my own list to do for him because he didn't get the chance. (anyone want to hike to base camp Mt Everest?)

He will continue to live in me. I will always love him and I will strive to be happy like he wanted me to be even without him by my side in this world. I know in my heart that he is looking out for me and for the kids. He rests on the other side and also in the most honorable place in the world, Arlington National Cemetery: section 69, just down the row from his dad. Since he can't be with me here as I continue to live my life, I am content to know where he is and I am full of faith that we will be together again someday. For now, mission accomplished my love. Rest in peace.

Today's Glass Half Full: "Nothing is worth more than this day." ~Goethe