Moving Forward

I don't really have a lot to say but it has been a while since my last post so I wanted to check in.
First, I want to let everyone know that I am doing okay, really, I am. I have my sad times and I often wonder what Pat's up to wherever he is, but for the most part things are manageable.
I joined a great group of online military widows called The American Widow Project. They are a wonderful group of ladies and I really feel that I identify more with them then with any other grief group or widow thing out there. They have been a tremendous support for me!

I know that everyone deals with grief in a different way and at their own pace and for me I truly feel that Pat is always beside me, just as he was in life, supporting me and helping me get through this. I'm not in the least 'new-agey' or spiritual in a ghost hunter kind of way but I know without any doubt that just because someone's physical presence has left this earth it does not mean that they cease to exist in our hearts and memories or in our life. The kids and I talk of Pat often and laugh at something he would find funny. There is a kind of 'phantom feeling' that I liken to losing a limb that I notice every so often. Amputees sometimes talk of feeling their toe itch or having a sensation of movement in an arm that is no longer there. I feel that way about Pat. I expect to see him kicking back in his recliner in front of the television or hanging out in the hammock reading Louis L'Amore or I start to tell him something and then have to remind myself that he is no longer here. It is odd and sometimes it takes my breath away when I think of it but I deal with it and move forward, taking it day by day.

So far so good after two months. I know I will miss him every day for the rest of my life but I am grateful for what we did have and that I was lucky to have known such love in my life. I will do all I can to honor him always. Pat's burial will be at Arlington National Cemetery with full military honors on Wednesday September 15th at 1pm. We will host a memorial reception later that afternoon/evening. It has not been easy to wait this entire summer to lay his body to rest, but I know that his spirit will live on in me and in our five wonderful kids. I take comfort in my faith that we will be together someday and I have hope that our lives are so much better for having had Pat in them.

Lastly, I would like to once again express my overwhelming thanks for everything all of you have done for us not just since Pat's death but in the 3+ years that he fought this long fight. From cards, emails, phone calls, care packages, gift cards, meals, visits..etc.. I just cannot show my appreciation enough! The kids and I would have never gotten through this like we have without your love and support. {{HUGS}} I thank you more than words can say.

Today's Glass Half Full: As long as I can I will look at this world for both of us. As long as I can I will laugh with the birds, I will sing with the flowers, I will pray to the stars, for both of us. ~Sascha, as posted on motivateus.com